Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Toughest Decision
For those who have no compassion towards four legged creatures with thick whiskers and soft paws, I don't think you should read through my article. Because this will not make you understand why this is hard as hell for me, you may only mock me or what I say --otherwise, read on.
A few nights ago, my partner and I were discussing contingency plans, for our relationship's sake. This came about some unfortunate confrontation from where we currently stay. It was a shock really cause the lines thrown at us were indeed hurtful. Words I've never heard spoken with so much anger and emotion in it. And it hurt us a lot. But that's not why I'm sharing. Later that evening when we got cozy snugged under sheets, we started talking. A practice we never fail to do in our relationship, regardless how unpleasant the topic is or how fascinating it is. In between giggles and teasing about dreams, I kept quiet and looked her square in the eye. Without batting an eyelash, I said: "I've been wanting to ask you this for some time now, but I don't know how and I believe its about time I did. (took a deep breath and continued) Will you be asking me to give up my cats in the near future?"
She said yes. But when I said future I didn't mean next month. (Plates crashing) Earlier, she and I agreed to go to CARA (Compassion And Responsibility for Animals) if not this weekend, next week. And with this feeling swelling up in me, my eyes won't dry out now. Needless to say, I love my cats--yes all FIVE cats to death. I can not fathom being separate from them, but maybe, big sacrifices like these have God preparing something bigger for me than I plan for myself. At least, that's how I'm convincing myself now.
Only a few will understand this. Me. The bond I have with all five will never compare to anything. You see, I'm alone. No, I'm not disregarding the beautiful partnership I have with her, but before "us", the six of us were tight as a pack. We've been thru a lot together. I promised never to give them up and it shatters me to pieces that that's exactly what I have to do soon.
I have to get myself together really soon. Dry my eyes like nothing happened and hold on to the hope of them being in a better family than what I can give them. I will dearly miss them. Dearly is even an understatement. Imagine if someone had to cut off your legs and pluck out your eyes? My sentiments exactly.
How do I begin to tell you how tough this decision is for me. To let go of something that held you together for the longest time?
I'm dead scared.