Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Quintessential Beings v.2

Today marks the first day I would not be seeing her for the next three weeks of work. And I am trying to cope. Over the weekend after she had told me what I meant to her, we discussed this. That she plans to take the CCNP since she's already CCNA certified. It will increase her market value so she can venture into a better work offer with better pay. Not that she isn't making a huge double digit salary, but this is better for her. For us, like she said. Her classes start every Saturday for ten saturdays beginning February. That means only Sunday to be together. Earlier today, it was sinking in that I'm the least of her list. I said I will understand. This is me, adjusting to it. This is me, making my way thru understanding and weaving thru reasons. I will stay. As I told her last Sunday after her declaration, I am her number one fan, front row with pompoms. And again, this is me keeping the promise. Its never an easy to do. To sacrifice one more day of just the two days you squeeze in being together. One thing I only fear is her making me feel less needed, less loved. I know she said that when she's done with this, she needs me to be there...at the end of it all. I will be, ofcourse. Is that even a question? I said, I'd do it, but I never guaranteed it was gonna be easy on my part too.  I am afterall, human. And she's part of me as I am to her.
Today, I think. Weekends used to be something to look forward to. Now, its just a weekend out of two. Call me shallow, but I'm scared of not being with her. To cut what's the only time we keep each other sanely rooted to our personal lives.
Today, its starts.

1 comment:

  1. You are not shallow. You are strong! Brave enough to accept your side as a human who can be weak. It takes a lot of courage to accept all of these. Just be strong, everything will be alright.