Monday, October 4, 2010

In A Relationship?

♥How would you define a relationship? Sure it is generally a tie or degree of kinship or intimacy, but how do you know it’s a real one? That it is an existent understanding between the two of you?

♥I want to know.

♥I have my own reservations. Yes, when I was younger I’d go with the main conclusion that as long as we agreed on being together as a couple and do what couples do, then yes, we are in a relationship. But after my traumatic relationship with my gay-user-not-up-to-no-good ex boyfriend, things have made a 360° for almost everything I believed in. Or thought I believed in. Among them I’d say is being in a relationship.
A few years back I went out with Dennis. He was older than me by several years. At first it started out to be a real online friendship before it became a serious relationship which lasted for a couple of years as well.Then I met Kai, now my ex-girlfriend as well. Things pretty got screwed when I went for ms. gay philippines after.

♥And just before the weekend, while Dennis and I were online it just happened. We've been keeping in touch even then that I was in a relationship with my exes. So its no surprise he knows what had been going on since 2005. Anyhu, when he said he was staying with me when he gets here in January it got me thinking. Pretty assertive eh? And with how our messages where being thrown from one screen to another, I had to ask him if we were exclusive. He said yes unless "I" had others. I had to make it clear that he was actually getting involved with me (again) for the record. He said yes.

♥Well, I refuse to change my facebook status from single to in a relationship with. Told him I won't change it till he changes his status first. Nothing wrong with that. Just don't wanna initiate it.

♥The odd thing is, my heart didn't beat like I just run a triathlon around MOA. My head didn't spin like being in a roller coaster backward. I didn't broadcast to all or sms send to all that I'm happily involved with someone again. Hmmm....and honestly, I don't think I'm inlove. Or near the idea of it, anyways. Have I grown numb for all the hurt I had to go thru? Had I been masked by the fear of really being able to feel the glorious sensations of being in love? I could only shrug.

♥What if this relationship comes to end with us being husband and wife for convenience sake. For the purpose that were both not getting any younger and that it benefits both of us? What if?

♥So, tell me, how would you define a real relationship?


  1. First off, natawa ako sa Ms. Gay Philippines. hahahaha!

    Secondly, when I met D (the hubby just so I don't confuse you and just so I don't disclose who he is to the whole internet universe), when we started going out, there were no fireworks. sure I was happy but I was not crazy in love. but what do you know, from then until now, things changed. now we're married and been together for over a decade.

    what i'm trying to say is, love can surprise you. who knows, this new guy might be it. and if in fact he actually wont be "the one", then it's okay. relationships are a risk. you just have to put yourself out there in search for that person who will make you whole.

  2. Thanks for that gel...maybe that's one of my reservations...I don't want to put myself out there anymore. Yes he may not be "the one", I may get my heart broken when I haven't mended it just yet but maybe just maybe, there is hope for believing that I may find love again. Although I'm not as thrilled as I was before with the whole idea of the love concept. Sigh. I find it weird that I'm using my head and not my heart. When its always been the other way around in all things I do. Now, its all "I think..." and not "I feel or I believe..."