Daydreams

I thought of diverting from regular blogging. So instead, I made a wishlist kinda thing for me to remind myself (and friends & love ones too) that these are some of the things I love...

♥ Next to being a vegan, I'll NEVER say never to this! ♥

YanYan! ! ! ! We can't live without it!

♥ Instant orgasm euphoria ♥

I can be put on mute with this!

♥ after this comes sex ♥

Goodluck in finding these. They're the best in the world!

Conti's Chocolate Mousse...

Toffee Nut or Java Chip COLD

Goldilocks Baileys Cake - -  mine alone!

Kahit araw araw ako kumain nito--galit galit na...

Quintessential Beings v.3

"a kiss...its a doorway to everything.." - coach Beiste (GLEE)

I simply had to quote and remember that after it being said in one of season 2's episode. It got me thinking about this weekend I've spent, once more, in the south.  It wasn't the usual weekend, indeed, it was I guess more meaningful for all its worth.  Nothing magical as rolling in and out the sheets kinda story for this weekend. But a more serious and  needless to say, unexpected revealing Sunday.

Saturday was spent half the day cleaning, prepping the room with the new table she bought that I was so proud of her making and fixing in the room. Then we all traveled further south to Francis' home for some catching up and bonding weekend. I must admit, I miss that jackass. (no pun intended as that is his nickname amongst us). There was the feisty dinner of bihon sa bilao, baliwag lechon manok and wait for it...crispy ulo.  Don't tell me about being health conscious cause I kinda found a way to trick myself to eat them. (ha ha ha) Followed by a couple of slices of chocolate marshmallow torte...hm-mm! As if eating two servings of strawberry, chocolate and KESO ice cream before all mentioned wasn't enough! Then came the booze. The stories. And my in and out flickering "masalog" attacks. Ha! The whole Saturday experience can definitely fill an entire blog entry but I'm skipping it for another blog time. (wink)

Sunday rolled by fast. Literally waking up past 4 in the afternoon is what I meant by fast. Cooked creamed dory in mushroom sauce for breakfast / lunch / dinner (all three rolled into one) given the time we woke and lazed around most of the time. Nightfall enveloped us and we were up till past three in the morning.

I can write about the usual conversation we had but I wanted to share something that doesn't come along easy for her. Something, that made me flip.

Settling down. Yes, we discussed it and she didn't ask me directly but she said it so straightforward I could leap backwards in my excitement. She wanted to settle down with me. Have a kid or two. Migrate. Get married. I can just feel so dazed right now as I write them and share them to y'all. I thought she'd never have these goals. Dreams. Just the mere fact she has already thought about these, makes me wonder if she does love me after all. And that I can now stop being delusional that she really does. (LOL)

to be continued...

I Miss. . .

Last night she asked me if I was getting bored just being home. If I were ok. I told her I was / I am okay. Its the truth. But it dawned on me last night as Siobe and I were running crazy thoughts that I miss spending time with her. I miss waking up beside her just as much as I miss falling asleep in her arms. Its shallow, but its what I miss the most. Alone time together. Days when nothing seems to stretch forever and time is on our side that when I post our weekend together, people get envious wishing they had what we did. But its been weeks since that happened. Its not the same that she stays for the weekdays and don't get me wrong, I love what we do. How I make her breakfast, dinner and spend a few moments with her before she sleeps and gets ready for her 9-hour shift.

But of course its different when we spend some "alone" quality time together. The little things that spice and keep the relationship on its toes. I can come up with a million ways to surprise her everyday. And I honestly don't find it boring or routinary. I actually love what I do for  her. I hope she sees the intent. I hope she knows how much these all mean to me....

"Siobe"

I've never had a little sister. I've always wanted to have a little brother. For the reason its less fuss on being an older sister. But that was then. When I thought that blood had to make a huge contributory place to it.

Siobe (not her real name, duh!) is an amazing character. I don't remember exactly that date we started calling each other terms of endearment like these but for all its worth, I love it. I realized how fun it is to have someone to talk to on a daily basis. One of the million things I was never privileged with. Now I understand that the term "sisters" didn't just mean a pledge in a sorority, a common and overused term to address other girls at random and that blood indeed had nothing to do with it.

We talk each morning if not at night before bed time about a lot of things. Colors, food, blog entries, love life and yeah, sometimes our sex lives at an educational point of view. (wicked smile)  I like talking to her. I like being able to have some influence of some sort on her the way she does to me. I like it being called "Atsie" instead of the regular pet names I get. And yes, I love being her older sister (bigger is an understatement LOL)

I look forward to so many things I'd love to do with her. Like hanging out while getting our wax done, or lounging in some coffee shop and just talking. Bonding over DVDs and cooking in the kitchen. And yes, there are times I'd love so much to do her hair, her makeup and maybe her wardrobe. Not to make her my easel and I the painter, but I like the feeling of being able to take care of someone significant and younger than me. Plus, her hubby will love what I could do with her. And that, I am dying to start on. :-D

Quintessential Beings v.2

"THOSE" words.


I don't know exactly if I got my heart broken or just felt a little hurt on how she reacted when she finally found out "i love her".  No I wasn't crushed by her reaction but it sure felt parallel to that.

02.11.11 I made her breakfast, the usual routine of getting up two hours before her and making her meal. This time I thought of whipping up pancakes and not just the ordinary round ones. I actually carved out the letters "I" and "U" and a heart from extra pancakes. Fixed them on a plate and woke her up. Maan, (who shall be referred as Siobe from hereon) and her hubby, Otits arrived home early and I felt embarrassed having to bring out the pancakes for them to see. (blushing heavily) I was teased about it and I missed seeing her reaction to her breakfast. But Siobe told me she was happy about it. Then if so, why did it hurt when she asked about it?

Last night, retiring to bed, she asked me: "Since when?" I knew what she meant. Since when did I know that I love her? Why are these things flow charted in the first place? Isn't it suppose to be something that goes on without contingency plans? Without plan B? Ugh. For most of the conversation I kept quiet. I was embarrassed. I felt like a fool as a matter of fact for telling her that, yes, I love you! Damn it. Am I suppose to  regret saying it in the first place? No I don't. I'd rather try a soft launch like that, than having to actually "SAY" it to her face and get shut out after.

She asked me if I'm scared.  Of what exactly? I answered her:

"I'm not scared of telling you. I'm not scared you won't say it back, I'm scared you'd shut me out."

"Why would I shut you out?" she replies.

I sighed. Safe answer: "I don't know". But I knew. I just chose to keep quiet about it. She hasn't heard those words or used them for that matter in the longest time. Which got me thinking.

So all of "these" between us is the same thing you do with all the chicks you've been with before me? If that's the case, then, damn! you gotta twisted way of its concept. Is that right? Why do you have to make it so hard to understand? No, not me, on your part. Do I have to map it out for  you? Do I need to draw a flowchart and explain the process to you? Do I?

Ouch.

Been Six Years

Just about a few things. Some six years ago, I fell in love with one person I owe a lot to. She  taught me a whole lot of things, made me realize a whole lot of discoveries about myself, people around me and life in general. One person, who, up until last night, got in touch with me and got that closure that was due so many freaking years ago. Time heals indeed. I was able to tell her I'm sorry and Thank You. And she got back to me by saying, it was HER who needed to say sorry and that she was thankful for all the things I did for her.

Six years ago when I was a trainer for one of the companies I worked for, I met her. She was one of my trainees. She stood out because of all the extra effort she went through for me. How she led the class to make me feel in the spotlight all the time. Like I wasn't considering the position I was in. (Shrug) It begun with a constant group hug tease in each class that transcended to the daily Wendy's and coffee after shift. She waited for me till the wee hours of the morning or at least until I've locked up the office and there I'd be surprised to find her in the parking lot waiting for me, with a Wendy's meal or coffee in tow. We usually drove around or just chilled and talked after. Usually heading home at 4am and reporting to work at 8am. Crazy.  The wooing continued for the next few weeks. I got to find out that she was in a blurry state with her current  (then) girlfriend. But she said, they were over. That's why I continued seeing her until we finally became an item.

With her I broke the rules. No, this time, I wasn't bending them -- I totally broke them. We kept it separate at work. Although it was insanely hard to, but we got thru it.  She still waited for me each and every time after work and  spend time till early hours of the morning. Things were going on smoothly, until things started turning sour. Her ex (at least I was made to believe she was) kept coming back. There are even times we would run into her in the wee hours of the morning with her friends in tow. Which is odd considering she doesn't work the night shift at her job. To keep things undefiled, we eventually broke up. It was during our team building at some resort in Bulacan that it all turned sour. Traumatic indeed. She showed up there, won her over and ditched me just like that. Her ex turned gf (again) threw the bracelet I gave for our first month of being together. Tore the necklace she gave me from my neck and humiliated me big time.

I was single after that.

I learned that falling in love with your subordinate sucks. I allowed it never to happen until six years later I fell in love again....now that's a different story.

Please Ring...

They say and I believed that you fore go the negative and focus on the positive. I am doing that. But then again, I'm human, bound to be softened like anybody who's got their hearts shattered. But maybe not. I didn't break my heart because I lost the love of my existence. I did because next to her, I made a choice. I would have fought for it, but I have chosen my battles well enough not to. This battle, I'm sitting it out.

I have been surrounded with love and positive energy around me. Being around Chriez even, radiates from me eminently. So how could I not keep moving forward and why choose to stay behind? Hear me out, I am venting. I am trying to argue with myself why these are all happening. I'm waiting for a call. A very important call. An answered one from up above. Or at least its close to the reality of it.

My phone...please ring...

A New Leaf

Indeed. Moving to my new place opened a lot of opportunities for me as an individual and for me and Chriez as a couple. I can say our partnership has been blossoming after the rain has dried off on the pavement.  In my new place, mornings are brighter. Nights are warmer. And I finally have a kitchen to work my way through Chriez's palette cravings --which have now been something she always looks forward to. (blushing)

Earlier today she said when she got home, while I snoozed in the comfort of my bed: "I was looking forward to coming home to you and ung pagsalubong mo sa kin sa morning." Isn't she the sweetest? Just some of the kilig moments I get to wake up to each day. 


I love cooking for her. She loves eating. I think we're heading in the right direction. A direction we both anticipate and hope for. Atleast for the better for both of us. Whatever we have coming for us always falls into the right places. I am very grateful for having her in my life. And Maan is right. Rainmaker brought us together. And after Rainmaker, we're still together. Put the pieces together, you'll understand.


I need to go to QC for a fastbreak feeding of my cats. I miss them so much. Till later...